On a very, VERY foggy December day I was sat at home keeping my human friend company like a good bear does. She recently had a big operation and is feeling pretty low and poorly, it wasn’t very nice for her so I had a think about what might cheer her up and I thought I might write about Kirby, a friend of mine, and how I restored him back to health from the brink of the ultimate teddy bear death – the bin!
Kirby is a late 1940s teddy bear. Very small and in the worst state. He absolutely, completely and UTTERLY…there is no real way I can possibly describe without using a bad word, I mean HUUUGGGEEEELLLLLYYYYY, monumentally, was THE MOST, disgusting smelling bear I have ever met in my life.
When Kirby arrived at the door I was quick to pull his package open, I found the edge and wildly pulled as hard as I could to release him from his plastic postage envelope, in that instant I immediately regretted what I had just done, like mustard gas, the smell puffed out with great speed as I pulled, it wafted straight into my face and entered my mouth and nostrils! I bent over double and began to cough and splutter, eventually dry-heaving a few times before I managed to pull open the front door for air and regain my decorum.
Look at him, does he stink? – OH MY GOD HE DID!
Kirby was indeed a sweet little bear with splendid manners, he often apologised for his smell and was very embarrassed but sadly that couldn’t make up for the ravages of time. Kirby smelt like the inside of a chain smoking 1000 year old hag, a Disney witch with a constant supply of Marlboro Reds hidden inside the wart of the end of her nose…actually he also looked like one too. The horrific stench of old nicotine had permeated his sad withered body, he was sticky to the touch from a thick coating of nicotine and he also had a weird chemical plastic smell..this bear was vile.
I used to work in a pub once upon a time, do you know the smell of an old REALLY over-full ashtray that old smoking bears have filled up of an evening, one that has had old beer sploshed in it and then been taken out to the beer garden where it has been left out in the rain for a week or so, so the smell can really grow and become foul…well if you did that to the sea and then poured some burnt hair and plastic and then scraped out the lungs of a chain smoking whale and Disney hag then mixed it all in a bowl and baked it in a teddy bear…that is somewhere NEAR the smell of Kirby..poor guy.
SO anyway, Kirby went in a box with some mothballs…for two months.
Then this foggy day I mentioned, well, it came around and my friend was ill and there was nothing to do and so I decided it was time to be brave and open Kirby’s mothball box and fix him up, it was that or the bin and a bear never says ‘die’ and so it began…..
HOW TO RESTORE A BEAR THAT IS REALLY BEYOND ALL HOPE.
1. Look at your bear – look at the qualities you like about the bear, at this point it could well be that it is beyond all redemption and you can’t see a good quality at all, if that is the case then I am your bear, send your teddy to me, if not, then identify the qualities that you want to keep. Photograph your bear really carefully, closely and in great detail from all angles, you will need these pics to remind you of these looks, where bits and bobs went and what parts of the bear you like as they are now because you are about to enter phase 2.
2. Take the bear apart – this sounds really scary, and it is, you shouldn’t do it if you aren’t confident but that said, at this point your bear is about to go in the bin so what the hell, carefully open the front or back seam, gently pull apart the stitches and remove the filling (you can choose to keep it but if your bear is as rank as Kirby then my advice would be to get rid. All kinds of baddies live in old bear fillings and can actually make YOU ill (and your bear) so please think before keeping it. You can buy kapok, toy stuffing and wood wool online and they are all worth the investment to save an old bear..a little goes a long way so you can always buy more broken and disgusting bears and fix them up – like me!
Once you have taken the filling out you can unwind the cotter pins and pull the limbs off gently (in the past I have had to cut some old rusty cotter pins with metal snips but you can also re-buy cotter pins for very little) where possible please save the discs as they can often be re-used! If your bear is like Kirby it wont have any joints and you just have to cut the twenty thousand bits of cotton that have been used to stitch his limbs on because that it what IS needed to hold on a tiny teddy bear leg/arm !?
Then you will need to unpick the seams at the tops/backs of the arms and legs and remove the stuffing there too.
Kirby was filled with wool-waste. Wool waste was used from the 1930s onward as a cheap alternative to kapok and wood wool. It is vile and the bits of fibre fly around and get in your lungs so cover your face if at all possible lungs and ancient wool fibre = painful and disgusting cough and misery.
3. Remove eyes – What I just said, you should do that and then store them somewhere safe so you wont lose them. Glass eyes are expensive..keep them for later! If you don’t have any to begin with, your blind bear can find glass eyes on Ebay but unless you get lucky, they tend to be a little pricey bearing in mind they are only tiny!
4. Check – once you have removed all the insides and the eyes, check that there are no lingering bits of filling anywhere, they will make stage 6 pretty gross..so really check your bear is empty!
5. Prep – prep your cleaning area. you are going to need a clean towel, a tiny cup of decent washing powder, some fabric conditioner, lots of water (so be at a sink) scissors and a comb. NEVER, NEVER, NEVERRRR, ever wash an old bear without removing the insides first and if your bear isn’t on its very, absolutely last legs, please don’t go to all the trouble mentioned above..you can easily restore a normal ‘grubby’ bear with a damp cloth and an extremely gentle dab/wipe with baby shampoo suds – this method is for near-death bears only!
6. Wash – Right, now you need to run some warm water into a plastic sink bowl and pour in that cup of washing powder you put nearby…once the sink if fairly full you can submerge your bear in the water…once again, just to be clear, NEVER, NEVER,NEVER ever put a bear that has not been taken apart and emptied of its filling, in the water…you will destroy it and it will be awful and you will cry and curse and blame me..so please, please, please don’t do it.
Once your near-death bear is in the water you can either leave it to soak for a while or you can do what I did, you can gently move the mohair in your hands as the dirt comes away (and oh boy, it did) and continue to do this until the water is murky.
Once the water is really dirty you are no longer helping the fabric, at this point I like to rinse the bear parts under the tap, empty the sink out and then begin the whole process again but without washing powder. The water may turn nasty again, if it does, rinse and repeat until the water is clear.
7. Condition – So you like soft hair right? well so does your bear! Now the dirt is gone it is just about keeping your mohair soft and managable for that true salon experience. Fill up your sink about a third of the way, fill with one cap of fabric conditioner and leave for about an hour. Then you have to rinse, rinse, rinse until the bear no longer feels slimy/sticky/conditioner-y
8. Drying – The last point for today is drying. Some people are impatient and can’t wait for the hair to dry naturally..mohair is goat fur and I would wager that if you saw a goat blow-drying its hair you might find it a little weird. Goats do not need or like a blow dry. I like to leave the fabric to dry naturally, blow drying can cause the fabric to shrink and so a warm room in the house should get that fabric dry in 24-hours..that is okay because you made a hell of a mess taking all the filling out, washing the bear and so on, you will be able to use that time to clean up, bake a pie and then you should reward yourself with a nice cup of tea….
YUM
Thanks for taking the time to read, I’ll be back tomorrow with how to re-stuff, re-sew and bring your friend back to life!
Bye for now friends xx